Schools and self-esteem

Martin Seligman, in his resilience textbook for middle schools, The Optimistic Child," suggests that children shouldn't be praised without some genuine accomplishment.Even my four year old grandchild Julia criticized my wife when she praised her twin brother for being chosen as a line leader in preschool. "Everybody gets to be line leader, grandmom." It is a good point. The opposite side of the coin is that children should not be critizied for lack of accomplishment beyond their control.

Yesteray, I attended grandparents' Day at the private school attended by two other grandchildren, a four and almost six year old. It was an all-morning afffair
which started in the auditorium where five grade levels of children --Early education, Kindergarten, and First through Fourth grade--presented a musical concert. Later we sat in classrooms with each of the two children. It was interesting to note the increasing development, maturity, and self-confidence of the children, progressing from grade to grade. The principal explained that their curriculum required that children learn stage presence in front of an audience. The children differ in the degree to which the children enjoy that experience. Bella, a drama queen, relishes performing. Reagan couldn't care less. There were obvious gender differences. Boys went along with the singing but few of bothered with bodily gestures.

I remembered my own experiences at P.S. 80 in The Bronx. We had weekly assemblies where boys wore white shirts and blue knit ties and girls sported white "middy blouses" and orange ties. Each class rotated in presenting a dramatic performace and the entire school sang each week, including the hymn "Holy, holy, holy," in the days before school and church were separated by law. I was told by the music teacher, at an early age, not to sing. Labeled a "listener," because of my tone deaf monotone, I was instructed merely to move my lips. Now, I don't really know if I was scarred by that experience but certainly the message was that I was incompetent as a singer and could never improve so stop trying and don't ruin the efforts of others.

I assume that teachers at what is now Junior High School 80 in The Bronx are now more psychologically atuned to self-esteem. I talk weekly with high school students, assigned to emotional and learning support classes, about resilience, self-confidence, and the like.

When the kindergarten class at my grandchildren's school sang along with their guiitar-playing teacher, I sang along with them, loudly and with self-confidence.