On self-esteem

My wife was babysitting two of our seven grandchildren. Ethan and Julia are four year old twins. It was time for Joyce to take them to pre-school. Ethan remarked that perhaps his teachers didn't want them to come to school that day but to stay home and play. "You have to go to school Ethan," Julia lectured to him, as she often does.
"Ethan," my wife offered. "Don't you remember? You are line leader today."
"O.K. I'll go to school."
"Line leaders are very special people" explained my wife.
"No," Julia contradicted. "Everybody gets a turn to be line leader."

Jack, another grandchiold, age five and in kindergatrten plays T-ball and flag football. After the T-ball season everyone on the team received a medal "When I played T-ball," his father remarked, "only the league champions received a medal."

At the high school where I work part time I notive that even children who haven't attended all year often receive "Incompletes" on their report cards rather than Fs.

Psychologist Martin Seligman, in his book "The optimistic child" rejects the common assumption that low self-esteem results in poor academic achievement. It is the reverse, he insists. Seligman attributes the accelerated increase in the frequency of childhood depression over the past 20 years to our prevalent "feel good" philosophy. Everyone seems fearful of destroying a child's self-esteem so that even minor effort, just showing up, is extravagantly praised. Feelings alone do not account for self-esteem, which should be based on actual accomplishments. Parents, teachers, and coaches need to teach children real skills and reward their achievements rather than focus only on building self-esteem by empty rewards and undeserved recognition. Children quickly learn to recognize bogus praise, which may actuually lower self-esteem. Julia was right on target,Joyce off base, if Seligman is right.